mouths fly open
It is the second week of real courses, and I have at last spoken up in the group. Granted, it was my assignment to speak. I volunteered to be the first to introduce the week's reading. This meant that I read very closely and carefully, and that I spent many hours last night working out precisely what I would say--and the very tones in which I would say it. I remembered all that I had planned (mostly because I had it written out very clearly in front of me), but I let slip the precisely practiced tones. I was monotonous. Even afterward, as five us went to get a sip of coffee, that conversational monotony held on. Will these people ever know me? Why have I constructed such a wall? I can be jovial, personal, nerdishly hip... but I am shy. Where did that come from? I have not been shy since high school. (Excepting the one lunch I had with Dr Lundin, in which I had nothing to say and knew not how to say even that.) Perhaps I am afraid of the World. I feel there is nothing in common? I am uncertain... It needs only time. I am too used to friendships forming suddenly and beautifully, acquaintances so quickly becoming family. I am used to beautiful people falling into my life like hail. So simple, so present.
Anyway, I thought I'd throw into the mix my core course essay question, not due till mid December. We were given several to choose from, but this seems the most interesting to me:
“There are two meanings of the word subject: subject to someone else by control and dependence, and tied to his own identity by a conscience or self-knowledge” (Foucault, “The Subject and Power”). In what ways do texts in this period construct the relation between subjectivity and subjection?
If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. Or helpful secondary texts... Or a helpful primary text on which to focus. I suppose this means I ought to read Foucault. Oh dear. I will not let them take my heart! I will not let them kill my soul! I will be like a leaf...
Posted by Molly Lewis at 03:51